The Remote Report: Throwing Up a White Flag Against the NFL Draft


Fine. I give up.

I’d say “You win, Browns,” but that sentence just doesn’t seem like it’s possible.

I just can’t take much more of this NFL Draft lead-in. I understand what’s going on, but at the same time I have absolutely no idea what in the world is going on. Teams are always putting up smokescreens and telling outright lies about what they want to do with their first-round picks – I know that. But it’s getting to the point that it’s exhausting for me to go on Twitter every day and hear about who the flavor of the day is and why 30 of the people I follow will renounce their fanhood if the Browns take him at No. 4.

I’ve heard cases against Matt Kalil (good offensive linemen can always be found late in the draft), Trent Richardson (top running back but a mid-round talent), Justin Blackmon (takes plays off, can’t take wide receiver at No. 4), Ryan Tannehill (simply not a great quarterback), Morris Claiborne (scoring a four on the Wonderlic, allegedly), and others who aren’t worth mentioning because they shouldn’t be taken with a top-five pick.

To all of you naysayers, I quit. I don’t care. You’re going to be upset with whomever the team selects, so it really doesn’t matter at all. You’ll find a reason to be upset and you’ll find reasons to blame whomever you want to blame – seemingly Mike Holmgren and Tom Heckert this time around. The team won’t magically win 14 games this year and ignorant fans will start calling for the head of anyone who makes a decision.

Wait, no, that’s already happening.

Winning now is the only thing that ever matters in the NFL, and that’s obviously true in Cleveland. There’s no getting around it. It’s not a good thing, but it’s true. So what happens? Idiots run other idiots out of town, spiraling into a 14-year stretch of awful football.

I don’t have the answers. I don’t know how we can help end the suffering, but I find that the only way I can feel better about this team is by treating them like an on-and-off girlfriend. Some part of me still loves them and always will. And when things are going great, they’re great. But things are rarely great. In fact, things usually suck; we fight, we argue – it’s a bad relationship. But we do care about each other, and right now it’s not working out. But somewhere down the line, someday, we’re going to make it work. We both know it, and we don’t want to wait forever, but we know that if we have to wait a long time, that’s fine.

I’m done caring about the draft. Whoever gets picked will get picked. Ideally, they’ll be in camp on time and play their asses off. If that means they’re a backup to start the season or they’re getting 25 touches, I’m fine with it. I just want this relationship to get back towards being healthy. I don’t want to blame them for problems that I’m contributing to.

Is it May yet?

Go Browns.

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