The Remote Report: On Trent Richardson’s Terrifying Strength
I know that most of my posts are a little bit heavy on thoughts. I like to dig into things that are tangential to football and have a bearing on the community or the fan base instead of just talking about football. I don’t write game recaps, I don’t write three-quote articles, and I usually don’t write state-the-fact pieces. But what I’m about to do is something that I just can’t ignore anymore, nor can I put off writing about it. I want Trent Richardson to obviously sign quickly, and I want him to sign for the reason that I’m about to express.
That guy is a monster.
I’m not saying he’s strong and fast, I’m saying he is legitimately terrifying becuase of how strong and fast he is.
Things I know about Trent Richardson: he runs over people. He runs around people. He runs past people. He has flattened a coach/man who was well over 200 pounds during a blocking drill. He allegedly benches 475 pounds. He truly looks like he could squat a dump truck. He spends his free time chasing his two kids, which might be the most exhausting thing out of the whole bunch.
I watched the Sports Science clip that was posted here on DPD a few days ago. I should mention that I think Sports Science is one of the
dumbest pieces of television that exists, and that’s saying an awful lot because of how much garbage is on ESPN, let alone all of the channels in the world. I don’t even remember the majority of what the segment was about, but I know that every single time they showed Richardson doing just about anything, I shook my head and thought, “My god, what a freak.”
He’s not the fastest guy in the world, which I’m fine with, but the jukes are just head-scratchers. And the stiff arm. And the running-with-anger. And the sheer strength. He’s reportedly 5-9 and 228 pounds. Think about that for a minute. Normal people with those measurements would be considered “dangerously overweight” by conventional standards. Richardson, on the other hand, has a body that would give a sculpture body image issues.
Of course, I know how this works. He’s on the Browns so he’ll come down with a staph infection or he will spontaneously combust or he’ll step outside one day and get mauled by an escaped bonobo (which are usually extremely docile, by the way) and that’ll be that. It’s impossible to not assume the worst at all times, right? When I re-upped my Ohio driver’s license I think that was one of the forms I signed.
Optimism is scary as a Browns fan, and I’ll say that I don’t think he’s going to win 12 games for the ol’ brown and orange this year. But I can safely say that I’m excited to at least have a legitimate physical marvel on the team.