Jon Taffer, Rescue the Cleveland Browns!

The Cleveland Browns have been inept for years. Maybe it is time Jon Taffer stepped in and rescued the team from itself. Or are the Browns too far gone?

After watching the Cleveland Browns lose yet again, I decided to drown away my sorrows by watching Spike TV’s popular show Bar Rescue.

For those of you unfamiliar with Bar Rescue, the reality show’s premise is to find bars failing due to incompetence, in-fighting and lack of strong management. The bar’s incompetence is put on display for all to see. Then, bar consultant Jon Taffer enters the bar, wreaks havoc on the owners and managers breaking them down in order to rebuild their management skills and ultimately the entire bar.

Part of the show’s popularity is Jon Taffer’s outrageous personality. He shows no mercy telling it like it is to clueless owners and underachieving employees. It is common for Taffer to scream at the top of his voice in the face of a failing owner.

As I was watching Taffer berate yet another owner with out of control employees who either lack the capacity or the give a damn to make cocktails, I was subtly reminded of the Cleveland Browns game I had just finished watching.

Then the heavens opened, angels sang and the solution to the all the Cleveland Browns woes was revealed.

Jon Taffer needs to rescue the Cleveland Browns.

In my excitement I crafted the perfect email enticing Jon Taffer to come to Cleveland to rescue our beloved Browns:

"Dear Jon Taffer,After watching Bar Rescue for several years, I know you have the ability to rescue even the worst of the worst. Your ability to correct dysfunctional management is legendary. More than that, your ability to turn problem employees into loyal and productive team members is essential to rescuing any business. Your skill is exactly what the business I am writing on behalf of needs.The business I refer to opened its doors in 1999. A previous business under the same name had failed in 1995 leaving the community devastated. The first owner opened the business because he felt it was a community asset.  However, he was involved in many other of his assets and entrusted the business to an inept management crew who failed to build the business or its reputation.Upon the first owner’s death in 2002, his son inherited the business. However, much like his father, the son was uninvolved in the business. He was more interested in his other businesses and trusted the management of this business to others. During his nine-year ownership of the business, he hired four different management crews. These managers failed to hire good employees and failed to maximize the potential of the employees they did have. After a while they began hiring people who were unmotivated and only looking for a paycheck. Alas, the business suffered under the son worse than under the original owner. Things are so bad people have written songs describing the epic failure of this business.This business suffered further setback when the son sold the business to yet another owner. This owner decided he would put his full effort into making this business productive and profitable. However well-intentioned, this new owner had another business facing legal trouble forcing him to divide his time.  When he did put his attention to the business, he followed the same cycle of mismanagement by hiring three separate management groups in four years.Current management has failed to hire the right person as the head of field operations. Over the past 17 years, this business has had 26 different head of field operations. After all the years of ineptitude, this business has become the laughing stock of the industry bringing shame upon itself and its patrons.You are the only man who can turn this business around. You are the only one who can make it thrive. Only by rescuing this business will it become the community asset the original owner intended it to be.Help us Jon Taffer! You are the only one who can rescue the Cleveland Browns.Sincerely,Millions of Depressed Browns Fans (and their angry wives)"

Next: Complacency is beginning to set in

Alas, I fear the Browns are even beyond the reach of Jon Taffer.