Head coach Hue Jackson’s (un-)true Browns confessions

Cleveland Browns head coach Hue Jackson has been having a rough time lately, but it is nothing that a little talk won’t fix.

Here’s a true statement: Most Cleveland Browns fans no longer trust head coach Hue Jackson.

With the limited word count available here, there is not enough space to list all the specific tweets and posts that exist to back up that not-so-bold statement. Google “Hue Jackson” and “Browns fans” together and you’ll get the picture.

But like a frustrating stepdad that your clueless mother still (for some unknown reason) loves, Jackson plans to be around the Browns family a lot. So perhaps it would be best if we all take some necessary steps to begin healing the emotional wounds that obviously exist between us.

And what better way to start than with a (fake) therapy session?

Oh boy, let the healing begin.

Now imagine this meeting took place (it didn’t) between Jackson and his personal therapist (who may or may not exist). Well it just so happens that Dawg Pound Daily has received a transcribed copy of this session (no we absolutely did not) which we will now share with you, our favorite reader (you actually aren’t, no offense) down below.

Prepare to be blown away by the naked truth! (they’re mostly lies, really)

Therapist: Go ahead and lay back, Hue. You look a little stressed this week. Here, why don’t you hold onto your special guy.

Jackson: (takes stuffed bear and two-arm hugs it) Hello Winny, I sure have missed you.

Therapist: Let’s get right into it, Hue, how’s it going between you and your fans these days?

Jackson: Fine. Pretty fine. (gives his bear a slow forehead kiss and looks sadly in its eyes) OK, not so fine.

Therapist: That’s good, Hue, let’s start with that. Last time you were here, you told me that the fans were upset with how you hurt your friend Sashi. Do you remember?

Jackson: Yeah. I wasn’t very nice. I pretended to the media that everything was his fault.

Therapist: First off, did you apologize to Sashi and your players for throwing them all under the bus and tell the truth to everyone like we talked about?

Jackson: (makes frustrated noise) No, they’re still under the bus.

Therapist: You’ve got to be more accountable, Hue, that’s why the fans are so upset with you. That and not winning but one game and getting to keep your job.

Jackson: But I told them all I’m super sorry.

Therapist: Yes you did, you usually do. And that’s a start. But if you want people to trust you, you’ve got to be accountable to them. You said the fans were also upset with the way you treated your running friend after his special play, the fellah with the bird name.

Jackson: Yeah, that was Crow against the Baltimore Ravens. But let’s face it, me, you, five other guys could’ve run through that hole.

Therapist: Hue, that’s not true and you know it. You were going to apologize for saying that and admit that you underused him because of your fear of commitment to the run. If you can’t fix that relationship, then how are you going to handle things with Saquon?

Jackson: (At hearing that name he hugs his stuffed bear and violently shakes his head) No, I told John to take a wide receiver at No. 4, it’s a smarter move, you’re gonna have to trust me on this one. Can I take Winny home with me today?

Therapist: Not until you’re willing to own up to your mistakes.

Jackson: Fine.

Therapist: Last session, you expressed to me that you were going to tell the fans you weren’t going to take a paycheck until the team finally won a regular season game. How’s that going?

Jackson: (looking down at the bear) I told them.

Therapist: We both know that’s another lie, Hue, no wonder they don’t trust you anymore. Please tell me you’ve at least jumped in the lake by now.

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Jackson: (stares silently at stuffed bear)

Therapist: Hue, have you jumped into Lake Erie yet like you promised those disappointed fans?

Jackson: I will, obviously I’ve got to get wet. I get it. I can pick a day and get everyone out there, we’ll all be in swimsuits and trunks and snorkels and all that.

Therapist: You can’t keep saying that, the fans will only believe your actions. You need to set a date like we talked about. Make April 14 ‘Jump in the Lake Day’, Hue, what do you say?

Jackson: (mumbles)

Therapist: Sorry?

Jackson: Fine, I’ll make the dumb old announcement.

Therapist: Remember, sometimes being a good leader means taking responsibility for the situations that you’re in charge of, even if there are plenty of others around to take the blame.

Jackson: (with hands over his ears) Can’t hear you, can’t hear you, no one else could have done what I did, la la la.

Therapist: (checks his watch) We’re going to have to stop here.

Jackson: (Starts to walk out with stuffed bear) Bye now.

Therapist: (Takes bear) Hue, no Winny for you until you make good with those Browns fans.

Jackson: I’m telling Jimmy on you.

Next: Browns: Signing Drew Stanton changes nothing

Therapist: (Laughs) OK, see you next week, Hue. We’re going to talk about how you’re going to keep your hands to yourself when it comes to Mr. Haley’s offense.

Jackson: My offense! Follow me … hee … hee …

Therapist: Oh boy, so much work to do.