Colin Cowherd really seems to hate the Cleveland Browns, and no one knows why. That is until now. Let’s pull back the curtain on why Colin hates Cleveland with these three completely made up reasons for the venom he spews relentlessly
Given all the click-baitin’ venom Colin Cowherd likes to spew towards the Cleveland Browns these days, I’m guessing there must be a deep-seeded reason for his inexplicable hatred, but since he denies there is any, I thought I’d give it a shot.
Here are three possible *but totally made up* scenarios of why Colin has a total Dawg up his arse about the Baker Mayfield Cleveland Browns.
Made-up Scenario 1: There was a humiliating incident in his past
I picture a young 10-year-old Cowherd in fifth grade on his way to school when two older bullies confront him.
The bigger one, named Cleve Brown, grabs the transistor radio Colin’s holding.
“Thanks for the radio, Cow-nerd,” he says. “Whatcha listening to?”
“Sports talk,” answers Colin quietly, his voice crackling as he tries to grab for his radio. “Come on, give it back.”
“Nope,” laughs big Cleve as he tosses it over Colin’s outstretched arms to the other bully, high school quarterback Drake Mayfield.
“Ha, you’re too short to play sports, kid,” laughs the Draker, as he’s known by his teammates. “You’d definitely never make it in the NFL.”
“You two are clueless!” Cowherd screams in the middle of the cruel game of keep away. “You not only don’t get it, but you don’t even get that you don’t get it!”
A crowd of kids has now gathered as Brown tackles Cowherd and sits on the crying future curmudgeon’s chest.
Colin yells, “You’re nothing but a louder, less mature, less stable, less buttoned-up version of a donkey!” but everyone just points at him and laughs.
“Oh, don’t be bitter,” says Mayfield as he reaches into Cowherd’s pocket and steals all his lunch money. “Bitter people are rarely happy or successful.”
“I refuse to let people with no life ruin mine!” screams poor little Colin as he runs away crying. “Someday I’ll make you pay, Cleve Brown and Draker Mayfield!”
Made-Up Scenario 2: Scarring, life-changing adult incident
It’s 1987 and young, 22-year-old up-and-coming sports radio talker Colin Cowherd walks confidently over to a gorgeous, casually dressed woman sitting alone at his hotel bar. She’s got on a ball cap, a grey sweatshirt and a sports media tag that says ‘Joan Dorsey.’
“Hey sports babe,” says Cowherd about an inch from her face. “Want to hear my hot take on why guys shorter than me could never succeed as an NFL quarterback?”
“Nope, that’s a weak take, muh man,” she says. “And for the record, accuracy and the ability to scramble along with a high football IQ are far more critical to an NFL quarterback than an extra inch or two. Everybody knows that.”
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She shoots the rest of her tequila, gathers up her things and walks away laughing.
“I’ll show you, Joan Dorsey,” whispers Colin, alone at the bar, a single tear rolling down his cheek. “Someday you’ll pay!”
Made-Up Scenario 3: Preventing an embarrassing future incident
The 2019-20 Cleveland Browns with Mayfield and Odell Beckham, Jr. miraculously win Super Bowl LIV.
As Baker Mayfield, Odell Beckham Jr., Jarvis Landry, and Nick Chubb hoist a Lombardi-Trophy holding Freddie Kitchens into the air and carry him across Miami Gardens’ field with the rest of the victorious Browns, they bump into a weeping Colin Cowherd.
“It’s not fair,” he sobs. “Browns were supposed to lose so that I could win.”
Mayfield points to the watching crowd and says, “Never cry in front of girls, Colin. Take the emotion out of it.”
As the crowd boos Cowherd, he screams, “If you want to achieve greatness, you have to be willing to be hated!”
Well, if that’s true, Colin, know that in Cleveland, you are truly great.
Who knows why this talking head hates the Cleveland Browns, and more importantly, who cares.
In his own words (like much of this article is), two things make smart men stupid, beautiful women and sports.
Well, based on Cowherd’s take on the Browns, I’m guessing his woo game is just as dumb.