The NFL released their schedule late Wednesday night and after looking over the Cleveland Browns record, it looks like there will be 16 wins this year
Based on the recently released 2019 Cleveland Browns schedule, the team should go 16-0.
They (probably) won’t, of course, but as a fan, why wouldn’t I predict a perfect season?
It’s one thing if you’re a professional football analyst who’s paid to be impartial. Then I get why you might feel the need to doubt whether the Dorsey-Kitchens-Baker-Browns can actually beat the Rams or the Patriots or the Seahawks or twice defeat the Steelers and Ravens or anybody, for that matter.
But if you’re a Browns fan?
Why would you ever predict a loss, especially if you’re just fantasizing?
It’s your imagination, why be reasonable?
How can a Browns fan not picture 16 scenarios where Baker Mayfield and Odell Beckham Jr. and Jarvis Landry and Nick Chubb outscore every team they play?
How can a Browns fan not imagine Myles Garrett, Olivier Vernon, Larry Ogunjobi and Sheldon Richardson shutting down and putting the fear of gawd in every quarterback they face?
They won’t 100 percent of the time, of course, but as a fan, why not predict they will? It’s just pretend, wishful, offseason dreaming after all, right? Why not go all in?
So for shats and gaggles, here are some of my 2019 Cleveland Browns Win/Loss Predictions, including overly optimistic scores. And as long as I’m making crap up like everyone else seems to be, I’m also going to throw in each game’s MVP, including highly ridiculous stats.
Prepare yourself for a miracle season, Dawg Pound, the best one I could imagine…
Week 1: Sun, Sep 8 Tennessee Titans, 1:00 PM
Score: Browns 56, Titans 3
Game Summary: Whoa Dorsey, turns out this Browns team is for real as quarterback Baker Mayfield throws eight unanswered touchdowns in the first half, Odell Beckham Jr. and Jarvis Landry with three TD receptions apiece.
Banged-up Titans quarterback Marcus Mariota was replaced by backup Ryan Tannehill in the first quarter after refusing to go back out on the field to face what he called “those Demon Dawgs”.
MVP: Defensive end Myles Garrett – 14 sacks, 16 tackles (all for loss), 3 forced fumbles.
Week 2: Mon, Sep 16 at NY Jets, 8:15 PM
Score: Browns 31, Jets 21
Game Summary: In a perfect re-enactment of the first ever Monday Night Football matchup, the Browns outscore the Jets by ten as Baker Mayfield demonstrates to the football world why he was the first overall pick in 2018 by throwing four touchdowns, Odell Beckham Jr. and Jarvis Landry snagging two of those apiece.
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The player whom the Browns were expected to draft first overall that same year, Jets quarterback Sam Darnold, left the game shaken in the first quarter after being sacked 16 times. Backup Trevor Siemian was also spooked away by what he called “those Demon Dawgs” but eventually third-string backup Davis Webb threw three quick touchdowns against a Browns’ defense who let their infant sons suit up in the last minute of the game out of mercy.
MVP: Cornerback Denzel Ward – 3 interceptions, 4 passes defended, 4 tackles and a forced fumble.
Week 3: Sun, Sep 22 L.A. Rams, 8:20 PM
Score: Browns 42, Rams 17
Game Summary: In a game that proves these newest Cleveland Browns are indeed serious, quarterback Baker Mayfield throws for five touchdowns while catching one of his own from lefty Jarvis Landry, who also catches two touchdown passes, OBJ with the other two.
In a horrifically sad scene, NFL viewers will not soon forget, Rams quarterback Jared Goff flees the field in the first quarter bloody, weeping, screaming “please, dear lord, no more Demon Dawgs…”
MVP: Running back Nick Chubb, 20 carries, 252 yards, touchdown
Week 4: Sun, Sep 29 at Baltimore Ravens, 1:00 PM
Score: Browns 73, Ravens 6
Game Summary: If revenge is sweet, this rematch of the final game of 2018 is pure honey as scoring machine Baker Mayfield breaks the NFL record for touchdown passes in a single game with 8, Odell Beckham Jr. pulling in 3 of those, Jarvis Landry with 2, tight ends David Njoku and Demetrius Harris with one apiece.
In a scene that’s becoming all too familiar for Browns’ opponents, Ravens quarterback Lamar Jackson leaves the game in the first quarter with backup Robert Griffin III in tow, the two vowing to never play football against “those gawdawful Demon Dawgs” who were responsible for 18 total sacks, including 4 against defensive end Brandon Williams, the only Baltimore player brave (and big) enough to survive the rest of the game under center.
MVP: Punter Britton Colquitt, who scored his first NFL touchdown on a fake punt that he ran 82-yards to the house.
Anyhow, you get the picture.
Cleveland Browns fans know that no future is guaranteed, no amount of success can be expected, and no wins is entirely possible, but by Dorsey, this 2019 team seems capable of doing everything miraculous in this article and more.
In April, predicting a 16-0 season is just as laughable or believable as predicting any other combination of numbers that add up to sixteen.
It’s all just pretend, wishful, offseason dreaming.
Why not go all in?