Top-3 ‘Dangers’ of wearing Cleveland Browns gear in 2020
By Mike Lukas
After a disappointing season for the Cleveland Browns, wearing the orange and brown in public can be ‘dangerous,’ so here are three ways you can be better prepared for the inevitable heckling.
As a longtime Cleveland Browns fan who happens to live in Dallas, there’s nothing I enjoy more than tooling around Cowboys central wearing my orange and brown gear.
Dallas, like Cleveland, is full of knowledgeable, passionate and outspoken fans, so my enemy colors don’t go unnoticed.
And for a few glorious months in 2019, Cowboys fans I’d never met were giving my publicly worn Browns-wear the same mad props and attaboys that John Dorsey’s re-built team was getting in Berea.
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Seriously, last offseason and for the first few weeks of the regular, my Chubb Hub T-shirt (Touchdowns Delivered) would get nods of respect from total blue-and-silver clad strangers.
My Dawg Pound ball cap (Here we go, Woof Woof) would elicit non-verbal high fives from passing men and women covered in blue stars and Dak jerseys.
It was incredible. They weren’t Browns fans, but they saw something special about this team and were happy to let me know that they agreed Cleveland football was finally going to be all right.
Heh. What did they know?
Cut to the end of a disappointing (and often embarrassing) 6-10 season that has Browns fans shocked and saddened. Suddenly my orange and brown clothing is back to being publicly ridiculed.
Now I can’t walk five feet in Dallas wearing my No. 6 jersey without some smart aleck asking me if and when I’m thinking of becoming dangerous.
Ha. Ha. I get the sarcasm, sir.
It occurred to me that if I’m experiencing this level of social discomfort, then Browns fans all over must be going through the same thing.
So, for them, for us, I’ve created this list of the Top-3 dangers to beware of while wearing Browns gear in 2020 and how fans of this ever-struggling franchise can (non-violently) fight back.
Without further ado, here are the:
Top-3 dangers that come with publicly wearing your Cleveland Browns gear in 2020.
Danger #3) Being forced by a stranger to justify your Browns allegiance
Typically starts with some dude snickering at your Browns gear, then saying something like, “Oh man, why would anyone root for the Cleveland Browns?”
The danger here, of course, is trying to answer that rudeness without Myles-ing him over the head with his own back pack.
But keep in mind, in 2020 that’s a legitimate ask – the Browns have been a tough team to love lately.
Sure, you could give him your reasons (every Browns fan has them) but he won’t care.
The best way to handle this danger is to simply bark like a dawg until he excuses himself.
Danger #2) Being forced to explain (again) why next season will be THE one
There’s nobody more hopeful than a Cleveland Browns fan right now, except maybe a Bengals’ fan who happens to have the last name ‘Burrow.’
For the last two decades at this time of the year, Browns fans have had to lick their wounds and begin to create an updated scenario as to how THIS season Cleveland will be a contender.
When wearing your orange and brown in public, you’ll be asked, “Browns gonna do it next year?”
The danger is in becoming a desperate sounding ‘over-explainer’ who tries too hard to convince the room, a move known as “Cowherding it.”
The best way to handle this danger is to lock eyes with the man, then simultaneously wink, point your finger and click your cheek like you know something.
‘Cause you do, Browns fan. You do.
Danger #1) Having your sobriety / sanity questioned
Pro tip – do NOT wear any of your Browns gear while operating a motorized vehicle, and here’s why.
Cop sees you driving in your orange Bless’m hat or your brown Dan6er Zone jersey and now suddenly he’s got probable cause to pull you over.
“Sir, I stopped you because, based on your outfit, I suspect you must be a heavy drinker or a danger to yourself. Step out of the car please.”
The true danger here, of course, is that you’re a Browns fan and chances are you do indeed like to toss back a few cold ones to ease the pain of the never-ending front office carousel and all those sub-500 seasons.
But you’re too smart to drink and drive, so just confidently touch the tip of your nose and walk that straight line if forced to.
Then slowly and without slurring begin to explain how Kevin Stefanski will totally be able to win with this talented roster and why Baker Mayfield will get back on track once he’s better protected and begins to rely more on the run game and then play action and how analytics can actually be beneficial if…
“Sir, you can go now. Please…just leave.”
Chalk up another win for the next AFC North champions.
It’s about to be a new Cleveland Browns season.
Stay safe out there (and forever proud and hopeful) in your orange and brown.