May the 4th be with the Cleveland Browns
“Star Wars Day” is upon us, and as you’re wishing the “fourth” to be with everybody, here is how the Cleveland Browns would look if they lived in a galaxy far, far away.
For years, the Cleveland Browns have been giving fans “A New Hope,” only to have that hope crushed when the “Empire” that is the rest of the NFL “Strikes Back.”
All bad jokes aside, there are a number of Browns players that draw striking comparisons, in way of attitude or performance, to those in the Star Wars series from the front office down. There is also no team more in need of the power of the force than the Browns.
Justin Gilbert – Jar-Jar Binks
It could be said that Gilbert is the Darth Vader of the team, but he’s not necessarily evil, just incompetent. Always having to have his life saved by others, constantly seeming to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and really the laughing stock of the series, or in Gilbert’s case, the franchise.
After two season of doing nothing but getting turned into toast by opposing receivers, hopefully Gilbert can do Browns fans the favor Jar-Jar did to Star Wars fans and disappear.
Josh McCown – Yoda
The veteran of the quarterback group, and while he might not have the most success, he is undoubtedly the wisest of the bunch. While there is talk that he could be traded, meaning his days in Cleveland could be numbered, should McCown stay he could prove to be good teacher for likely starter Robert Griffin III and rookie Cody Kessler.
Similar to the small, green creature, it doesn’t seem to matter how old he gets, McCown still has some fight in him.
Robert Griffin III – Young Obi-Wan Kenobi
Back before he was “Old Ben,” Obi-Wan was once an apprentice, too. Having the chance to really have a learning experience under a player like McCown, who has been in the league for so long, could prove invaluable for a player like Griffin who is trying to kick start his career again.
Who knows, if all goes well, Griffin could grow old with the Browns and become the “Old Ben” for whoever’s name will be next on the infamous Cleveland quarterback jersey.
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Cody Kessler – Luke Skywalker
Sensing a trend here? Luke had to grow in his training with both Yoda and Obi-Wan, and this is the situation Kessler is in right here. Entering his rookie year with a chance to compete for the starting job, Kessler can learn from a player who had one of the best rookie years in NFL history, and a journeyman veteran.
The force is strong in this lineage of quarterbacks, and hopefully for Browns fans Kessler or Griffin can restore balance to the force of this franchise.
Jimmy Haslam – Chancellor Palpatine/The Emperor
It can sometimes be hard to tell if Haslam is doing more harm or good to this franchise. At times he seems to simultaneously be doing both. The drafting of Johnny Manziel (would have been Vader had he still been on the team) and the Pilot Flying J debacle have left a very bad taste in the mouths of Browns fans.
With a new group at the helm, though, Haslam now has a chance to right those wrongs.
Sashi Brown and Paul DePodesta – R2-D2 and C-3PO
Both Ivy League graduates, these two head up the new front office in Cleveland. Like the two droids, these two seemingly work better together than they ever could separate. Using words like analytics, and just knowing they are smarter than you, almost gives Browns fans a sense of relief as it seems they know what they are doing.
Hue Jackson – Han Solo
Head coach Hue Jackson is now in charge of the big rust bucket that is his Millennium Falcon, the Cleveland Browns. Responsible for taking this group where they need to go, hopefully in less than 12 parsecs, this ship will still need some fresh parts in the process.
The addition of multiple pass rushers on the defense, four receivers and a couple of offensive linemen are steps in the right direction. This first year will not mean a ton as the team will still likely be competing for a top-five pick next year, but for a team that is getting its first choice head coach for the first time, there is reason to be excited for the future.