Cleveland Browns’ simple 7-step plan to reach the postseason
By Mike Lukas
Every Cleveland Browns fan is an eternal optimist trapped in a cynic’s (or at least a realist’s) body. At this point in the season, total optimism is exactly what the Browns need to find the postseason. Here’s a (somewhat) humorous start…
We visit a dimly lit Church meeting room somewhere in northern Ohio where a circle of metal folding chairs has been formed. Each of these seats is occupied by either a man, woman or child, all donned in Cleveland Browns orange and brown athletic wear from head to toe.
The tall, round-bellied man they are facing removes his rubber Dawg mask and says, “Hey, I’m Robbo. I’ve been a Browns fan since 1973.”
The group responds in unison: “Hey Robbo. Woof woof.”
Robbo uses the back of his hand to wipe a single tear off his left cheek.
“First off, I want to thank everyone for showing up on a Wednesday morning, but this was a short week for the Browns, so it’s a short week for us.”
“Woof woof,” says the group, quietly.
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“Now it’s true that our Brownies are currently 3-6,” continues Robbo, who we notice is holding a Bernie Kosar bobblehead, “and things don’t look so good as far as January football goes.”
“Grrrrrrrrrrr…” growls the group.
“Easy now. Easy. My point is that what our Cleveland Browns need right now is a realistic path to the postseason, a doable solution that is not only logical, and legal, Ted…but also entirely possible. Ideas?”
From the back of the room, a voice whispers, “If Lamar Jackson were to lose one of his major limbs…”
“No, Ted, that’s never the answer,” says Robbo, quickly. “I’ve told you that for the last ten weeks now. Stop.”
“What if John Dorsey traded for Patrick Mahomes and we could do double quarterbacks like the Saints do, or something?”
“Karen, for the last time, Patrick Mahomes is not an option.”
“Fine.”
“Anyone else?”
A heavyset boy wearing a “75” jersey (home brown with orange trim) stands up and says, “How ‘bout we finish the season going 7-0.”
A hush falls over the room, the orange-clad adults pondering this child’s basic, yet doable, solution.
“The kid’s right!” cries Benny the cynic. “Look at the final seven matchups – the Ravens at home is the worst of it.”
The group of eternally optimistic Browns addicts mumbles among themselves for a bit, attempting to poke every conceivable hole into the simple, yet doable, plan, each time coming up empty.
“Hardly anyone wins seven in a row!” cries one doubter.
“The Patriots and the 49ers just got done doing it,” comes the reply.
“The Browns have looked weak and confused offensively all year, yet I’m to believe that suddenly they win out the season?” yells a toothless old lady wearing a “Grossi 4 Presi” T-shirt.
“Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt balanced by a second-half play-action passing attack,” retorts a five-year old, because even she knows that that is the winning game plan.
“But is Mayfield talented or tall enough to get the job done?” asks a cranky old intruder whose wrinkled cap reads, ‘The Herd.’
“Grrrrrrrrrr,” growls the group until the old man leaves the room, grumbling about the benefits of Sam Darnold and legitimate height.
Robbo stands in front of the group, holding his Kosar bobblehead high above his own head, the tiny Bernie nodding furiously, and in a clear voice says, “The Browns will go 7-0 to finish the season, and their final 10-6 record will be enough to get into the postseason for the first time since 2002. All in favor?”
“Woof woof!” comes the unanimous cry.
And so it is decided, and on Thursday of NFL Week 11, the clever plan of the Northern Ohio Browns Optimists Club begins to unfurl as the Cleveland Browns defeat the Pittsburgh Steelers by a score of…”
Just then, a Browns fan suddenly wakes up and bolts upright in his or her bed. Smiling.
“That’s it, we win out the season. No problem. Was probably Dorsey’s simple, yet doable, plan all along.”
Next. Cleveland Browns Week 11 score predictions. dark
It could happen. One game at a time. Hey, it’s the Browns – that’s exactly how they would do it.
Woof woof.