A Valentine for the Cleveland Browns

Valentine’s Day is a time for telling those you love exactly how you feel, including the Cleveland Browns.

Hey, Cleveland Browns, happy Valentine’s Day.

Not to get weird, but I’ve had a crush on you since I was a kid.

You wouldn’t remember, but we met back when my dad got a job in Cleveland the fall of ’72.

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I was a sports-hungry seven-year-old boy, you were a good looking 10-4 Wild card team in the playoffs for the second year in a row.

And if I remember correctly, you were also fresh off a pair of Conference Championship appearances. Mmm. Dang, Browns, you were so freakin’ hot back then. I fell in love at first sight.

First, it was your colors. I’d never seen orange and brown mixed together like that and my first thought was, yeah, I wouldn’t mind having that all over me.

Then it was your popularity.

At my new school, you were all the other Cleveland kids would talk about and it made me want to root for you even more.

My crush was huge – I even put a poster of you up on my bedroom wall, it was Greg Pruitt making a sweet move out of the backfield. There was also a Browns banner over my bed that my dad had bought me when he took me to a snowy Municipal Stadium in December of ‘78. We saw you and Brian Sipe beat the New York Jets by a field goal. Woo boy, Browns, I fell hard for you.

And believe me, you haven’t been the easiest team in the NFL to love.

All due respect, Browns, but you’ve developed quite a flirty reputation since I’ve known you – multiple general managers and owners, multiple head coaches, multiple-multiple quarterbacks. Hey, no judgement – I had some flings, too. Remember when I was all into Michael Jordan for a couple of seasons in the nineties and totally ignored you?

No, of course you don’t, because that was right after you took off that one night in 1995 without saying goodbye or telling me or anyone why you were leaving us for that…other city.

It broke my heart.

But I was still faithful to you for those four years, ignoring other football teams, getting lost in MJ’s second run, waiting for you to come back.

And you finally did in 1999, but I could tell you’d…changed.

You were just a shell of your former self and your confidence was totally shot. And, no offense, you’ve kinda been like that ever since. When you went 1-31, I have to admit, I started to lose hope. I was worried for you.

But then you let John Dorsey take you under his wing and for the first time in decades, you looked beautiful again. You settled down on one quarterback (he really suits you!), found him some legitimate targets and you even got some draft picks that we could all be proud of.

Except then you reverted to your old ways and started seeing a bunch of head coaches and general managers again and look where it got you – under .500 and nowhere near the playoffs.

I’m not angry – I’m just concerned.

Look, I’ll always love you, Cleveland Browns – I’m a fan forever.

And I have to admit, this leadership group you’re hooking up with now looks awfully sharp and the players on your roster have the talent to win plenty of games. But that’s never going to happen until you commit to them and start believing in yourself again.

You know, like you used to back when we called you the Cardiac Kids or long ago when Otto was under center.

I’m sure it hurt your feelings in 1999 when the league basically dubbed you an expansion team, but that was two decades ago and it’s time to get over it. Your impressive history hasn’t changed, and neither should you.

You’re a hot franchise, Cleveland Browns – do I have to list all the playmakers you have on offense and defense right now for you to believe me?

Plus, I know you’re going to do well in the upcoming draft and free agency and get that tackle and safety you’ve been eyeballing, but that’s not what I’m concerned about.

It’s your owners – they don’t seem to understand that their input on football stuff is not needed (or working).

Until you and your leadership group learn to stand up to them and say, “Butt out, truck stop!” you’re going to keep spinning in sub .500 circles.

Oh Browns, don’t be mad I said that – it’s what a lot of your fans are thinking.

But anyway, it’s Valentine’s Day and I wanted to let you know how I feel about you as an NFL franchise.

You’re my football heart and soul and I can’t wait until we’re watching you hold the Lombardi Trophy high above the city of Cleveland.

And, not to rush you, but a lot of us older fans are concerned that we’ll be dead by the time you figure yourself out, so if there’s any way you could speed this up a bit, it’d be much appreciated.

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Love ya, Cleveland Browns – here’s to no more heartbreaks.

Yours forever in football,

Mike

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